Hutcompany, Inc. LLC

While biking home today I was weaving inbetween a line of parked cars on my right and cars stuck at a stoplight on my left (suckers).  Up ahead I spotted a car that there was no way I could get around — it was just too close to the parked cars.  So I started to pull up on the brake…. only to discover it was jammed.  Holy shit!

In that moment there were a number of things that went through my mind:

1. Stop the Bike– I was going pretty fast, so I stuck my leg out to drag on the tires of the parked cars.  Ok, check.
2. You are Going to Hit a Car – Despite my attempts to slow down, I knew I was going to have to hit a car.  I considered whether it was better to hit a car with a person in it and sort it out or go for a parked car (i.e. moral grey area) and I decided to go with the car with people in it.  Ok, moral decision established, check.
3. Are You Going to Have to Pay for This? – Even in the moment of reconing, I was pretty worried that the accident would be expensive.  Ok, worried, check.
4. Ugh – This one is pretty self-explanatory.

When the time came I hit the side of a minivan, kept up a good amount of speed and drove into an empty spot on the curb to stop myself.  The minivan seemed ok and, to my surprise the woman gave a quick wave of “it’s fine” and drove off.  Holy shit!  I think I just hit the car belonging to the most jaded woman in the world!  Just in case she changed her mind I turned off the road and took a different route home.  I can think of nothing more awkward than having to stand next to the person whose car you just hit at the next stoplight…

And that, my friends, was my crazy day!

I’ve mentioned it before, but here it is in picture: the funniest-named store in my neighborhood.

I was speaking with a friend the other day and the date June 6, 2006 came up.  It turns out I didn’t even notice the date 6/6/06!  I should have been casting spells or some  nonsense, but instead I was working and probably just doing “stuff”.

My next chance for an evil date is nearly 60 years from now (6/6/66).  There isn’t really a good way to remind yourself of something that is going to happen in 58 years… will I still have the same cell phone or wall calendar?  Will Gmail even exist?  Even if I do remember (and at 82 I’ll be lucky to remember anything) I’m not sure what shenanigans I’ll be able to get myself into.  Do eighty-somethings throw theme-parties?

At least I have a while to figure it out.

Now that you’ve read it once, read it again while substituting the word “soldier” everywhere it says “dog”.  It’s a treat.

I totally dropped the ball on getting myself a sweet personalized facebook URL.  The coolest name I could think of is already taken:

So then I checked in on the lamest name I could think of, which was also taken!

So I think I’ve decided to go with the next best thing… stealing a name from a friend as my own:

This name isn't mine yet -- I still need to pick the lucky victim

At least this way when they go to make their username it will be even worse for them than it is for me.   That will teach them not to leave things to the last minute!

For some reason, going to the dentist just makes me start lying.  I think the whole flossing thing (i.e. not doing it) puts me on the defensive and prevents my mouth from communicating with my brain. 

A few years back I was at the dentist and he gave me something to swish around in my mouth for 30 seconds.  When time was up he told me I was done and I swollowed the small amount of fluid.  The dentist’s back was turned, and as he turned around he said “You didn’t swallow that did you?”

To which I replied: “No”

I didn’t want to stress out the dentist with this little detail, and it felt like the “You floss, don’t you?” question (where you should always answer yes).  The dentist seemed relieved, and I was relieved too.  All-in-all not a bad dentist visit.

Holy smokes was I sick on the walk home.   

 Now, I think they’ve gotten this story slightly wrong, so here’s the more accurate version:

Teen Girl Thinks Everyone Else in the World is an Idiot

In a shocking story out of Belgium, a teen girl thinks everyone else in the world is an idiot.  The girls beliefs became apparent when she announced to the ‘dimwitted’ world that she was sleeping while her eyes, nose, cheeks and ears were heavily tattooed.  Despite the evidence written all over her face, she claims to have had no awareness that the tattoos were placed there, and is suing the ‘total retard’ at the tattoo parlor for damages.  Like many teens, she believes that her ‘brain dead’ parents, teachers, neighbors and everyone else are ‘stupid enough to believe just about anything they hear.’  The case has yet to go to court, where we’ll see if the jury are the ‘total dopes’ she suspects them to be.

Today I had dinner with my parents, which was great. I’d brought a Father’s Day card for my dad, and he mentioned that over the years Father’s Day and his birthday were sometimes forgotten by some of the kids in my family.  I won’t let that happen to me!

So, a reminder for everybody.  Especially you, future kids:  

•   60 days until my birthday
•   75 days until my anniversary
•   Mother’s Day is spring-ish.  Don’t stress too much about it – TV commercials will remind you