A rambling post about… bathrooms

While on the topic of razors and bathrooms and such, I was recently traveling and noticed one of those emergency pull cord string things in a bathroom.  Actually, now that I have been looking, I see these things in most commercial-building bathrooms.  I have a hunch that there is nothing on the other end of those.  At the very least there is nothing on the end of those inside that building (I asked the front desk).  Is it possible that pulling the string connects to some external system – like Lifecall?  Let’s pause for a brief tribute to LifeCall:

This woman has fallen! Can she get up?

Anyhow, premise 1 is that there is no one on the other end of the string.  Premise 2 is: what kind of emergency technology is a string sticking out of a wall anyway?  Does it connect to a tin can on the other end so you can speak to someone?  This hunch is so strong that I can almost see myself testing it out.  But I’ll have to prepare just in case somebody shows up to help me.  That would be a true emergency. 

And now a sampling of the Google ads that came up while I was searching for how those cords work.  All of which are hilarious:

 

Let’s see… it sounds sort of tropical…

The other day I saw a sign in a grocery store window that said: 

Tropical Name

 

1.99 / lb

I can commiserate with the guy because I can’t remember the name of that fruit either.

 

My American Dream

Today my future mother-in-law caught me taking candy from a child…

The candy was thrown from the parade vehicles and landed right between myself and a 6-year-old boy.  Using my adult-sized brain power, I quickly analyzed the candy and decided to let him have the better pieces.  (Really I was making a great sacrifice and being the better person in this situation.)  So, I reached out and quickly grabbed a pack of Smarties, leaving him 3 or 4 pieces.  I looked up and the little boy was staring me in the eyes - clearly angry, but also confused at seeing a grown-up take his candy. 

I turned around to celebrate my victory with my fiance, only to see his mother looking at me wide-eyed.

 

I’m not sure they know what salvation means

I just got back from Terminator Salvation.  I don’t want to ruin it for you…. but Christian Bale uses the same stupid “Batman” voice in his role as John Connor.     

Or maybe that’s actually just the way he talks.  In which case, I’m sorry.

Also, unlike what you may have been led to believe, there are no female terminators in the future. Maybe that's why the place looks like such a mess, and all the machines are angry.

 

At least I’ll know ahead of time

So I decided to look up some of the weather info for my wedding date:

Oh shit – werewolves!

 

Update!

I can tell our landlord dropped by the building today.  Not because our toilet’s fixed (it isn’t) but because he took the lightbulb out of the backyard. 

I promise to write something more substantial tomorrow.  But right now Star Trek (starring Hans Christian Anderson) is calling my name.

 

There’s always tomorrow

I was getting ready to write a post when Cops was put on in the background…..

 

Addendum

Jake was right — yesterday’s post without links was so not cool.   My b.

Here are the links to quizzes to determine the job that’s right for you:

Kid Version (yay!)    Adult Version (nay!)

Or, you can take my version below!

 

Question 1 of 1

Would you prefer to spend your days:

1. Staring bored at a car engine
2. Staring bored into a body cavity
3. Staring bored at a judge
4. Staring bored at a computer screen

If you picked:

1. You might want to be mechanic!
2. It’s doctor-hood for you Doogie Houser!
3. Whoa now Mr. Lawyer Esq. ! 
4. All other jobs out there would be right for you!  You’re the man with a million choices!

 

It used to be WMDs, now it’s PWDs.

My coworker thinks the Obama’s stole their puppy from another family. 

 

 

I’m ok with that.

 

20 minutes left to trick people, or a few more hours to call CA

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to perform any April Fool’s jokes today.  The past two years I’ve tried to tell my mom that I was getting married, which unfortunately won’t work this time around.  I briefly considered telling her that I wasn’t getting married, but that seemed a bit predictable.  

At one point today my boss told me that he had pulled a great April Fool’s joke on the IT Department, to which I replied “Oh, did you tell them you broke another Blackberry?”  But no, he had told them that the server was down, which is better and more likely to spark panic, but also much less frequent to occur. 

The real joke was on me later when I had to tell the IT Team that I broke my Blackberry today.  On the one hand I really hope I get a new fancy model, but on the other hand that would tip off my boss that I had broken my old one, and I hate it when people are able to stick it to me! 

The only real problem with my current phone that it won’t type any numbers or the space key.  So-if-you’d-like-to-get-some-email-or-text-messages-from-me-that-look-like-this-over-the-next-few-days-just-let-me-know.-(As-long-as-your-number-is-already-in-my-phone.)