Things that are handy and things that are not

Dear Township of Washington DC –

My neighborhood organizes the streets in alphabetical order, which is pretty darn cool.  It’s easy to get around and it makes a lot of sense.  You, on the other hand, choose to organize your streets in chronological order of when the states joined the union.  Hmmm.  Not so intuitive perhaps?  I wish I could say I was going to come down there and speak to you face-to-face, but really I would never be able to find you — especially if you live on a street like Georgia.  Who knows about the history of Georgia?  The only people who can find their way around DC are history nerds…. which means DC is not the place for me.

Sincerely,

Joanna

PS> Here are some possible suggestions of alternate ways to organize your streets.  I hope this helps!

• Give your streets numbers instead – have them go in order.  What a sight!
  
• Give your streets the names of foods.  Then, order them by the food pyramid or foods people like to eat (i.e. you’ll know Candy Lane is really far from Oat Bran Blvd!)
  
• Give your streets the names of Bruce Willis movies.  Then, put them in chronological order (this is just like your current system, but with a modern twist)!
  

 

I absolutely love this sign

Now that you’ve read it once, read it again while substituting the word “soldier” everywhere it says “dog”.  It’s a treat.

 

Vermont: a good place to almost catch things

We’re spending the weekend in rural Vermont which leads to all sorts of new adventures.  These primarily consist of trying to catch small animals.  Today I almost caught:

• A leech
• A frog
• Some fish
  

Today marks my third consecutive fishing trip without catching any fish (and the second I’ve written about).  While one might interpret this to mean I’m not a very good fisherman, that person would be totally inaccurate – the fish are simply not very good at finding and eating worms on hooks.  Dopey fish.

 

Philistine

Thanks to Jake, who doubted the authenticity of yesterday’s Sexy-Napkin-Song-Makeout-Game, here’s a picture!

Take that Jake!

And, to everyone else, have a great day!

 

Need 20 minutes to kill? Look up translations of the song

If you’ve been to Puerto Rico, you’ve consumed the drink known as Gasolina – a mix of liquor and juice in a handy Capri-Sun package.  It leads to the age old adage – “which came first, the Reggaeton song or the booze-pouch?”

True to its name, it's like drinking gasoline!

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I’ll keep trying for the 50 good years I have left!

Today I was unable to outsmart a pond full of fish.  Despite my best efforts they just weren’t interested in any of the fabulous looking flies I was tossing out there.  My goal was to catch two fish between the three of us – enough so that both famlies could have one for dinner – not that unreasonable I thought… 

But it turns out the joke was on me.  While I wanted to murder the fish via hook and knife, the fish wanted to murder me via sun burn and the ensuing melanoma 50 years from now.  The fish have won – for now.  

These flies are good to use if you're trying to catch a fish that likes to eat adorable little muppets.

 

… and it’s over!

I locked myself out of my hotel room once this trip.  Which was well below the average for my group.

 

Work Retreat – Day Three

Today the hotel I’m staying at made my roommate’s bed much better than they made mine.  Really everything you could do to differentiate two identical beds had been done.  Her bed had 5 pillows on it — mine only had two.  Her bed had a runner at the bottom and, though I’ve always found those things weird and annoying, my bed didn’t even have one!

I have three hypotheses:

1. My roommate made her own bed this morning.
2. They saw me arrive in the lobby and thought “this girl is no nonsense” so they got rid of the nonsense from my bed.
3.  There’s a conspiracy going on.

I think I’m going to have to wait and see what happens tomorrow to see if this conspiracy is for real.  I’ve gone from 5 pillows down to just 2 overnight.  At this rate they’re going to show up at my apartment and steal a pillow off my own bed tomorrow.

 

Work Retreat – Day Two

Today my work team did not win the water balloon toss.   We did not win the Jeopardy Game.  We did not win the choreography competition.

 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Work Retreat! Day One

I’m wondering what would happen if I tried to steal the giant flat-screen TV from my hotel room.  While yes, they do have my credit card on file for “incidentals” it seems like that’s more a missing towels and $6 candy bar type thing.  I can’t imagine the hotel insisting that I ran off with a 40″ tv - because people just don’t do things like that.  

Could I take it and deny it?

We’ll have to see… this TV is really nice.