What do Chingy, Elton John, and some new song I can’t remember all have in common? A hotel!

Remember that Chingy song “Holiday Inn”?  You know, it’s about the place where you should bring 4 of your friends because Chingy is there with some Hennessy and 12 other girls, so we’re just going to see what happens?

I fequently wonder how the Holiday Inn corporation feels about that song.  Seriously – I probably consider this question about once-a-month.  Is it good for business?  Bad for business?  Do they really hate having to deal with hotel parties?  At the very least I’m sure it was really fun for all the employees the first week after the song came out.  And then really annying for the following two years.  But I guess that’s how it was for all of us.

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For some reason I wrote this joke at work today

What did Brian Adams say to the troops before the battle?

 

Don’t shoot until you can see your unborn children in their eyes.

 

For you – If it’s your birthday (sex)

A few lines from the hit song “Birthday Sex”

Tell me where you want your gift, girl

Don’t need candles or cake just need your body to make

Birthday sex
Birthday sex

It’s the best day of the year, girl

Say you wanted flowers on the bed (on the bed)
But you got me and now it’s on again

Wait a second.,, you didn’t get me a cake, OR candles, OR flowers, OR a gift? Even after I specifically asked for flowers on the bed?  This is the worst birthday ever.

 

But I Literally Can’t be Wrong

Whenever I get into fights with my significant other, I always want to bring up Percy Sledge’s lyrics from “When a Man Loves a Woman”:

(When a man loves a woman)
If she’s bad he can’t see it
She can do no wrong

I feel like that’s an argument winner right there.     

 

My Lamborghini is actually red

Have you heard the song “My President is Black”?  Now, some people might be distracted by the title and start speculating about the new day and the new president.  But the truly inspiration lyrics are actually a few verses in:  

“We need a miracle
And I say a miracle cause this shit is hysterical
By my nephews and nieces, I will email Jesus
Tell him forward to Moses and CC Allah”

Can you believe it?  I know, Jesus has finally gotten on Gmail.  (He’d only gotten about 2 billion invites to it).  I mean, he was using Hotmail before, and my anti-porn-spam filters always deleted his messages because of the word “Hot” in his address.  Anyhow, I wish I could help Young Jeezy out, but I don’t have Moses or Allah’s address either, so we’ll just have to hope Jesus forwards it soon! 

Man, it feels so good to be so connected these days.

 

If I had a time machine I would not allow my child-self listen to this song

I remember as a kid I would sit and listen to the boombox, waiting for songs to come on so I could hit Record and make a sweet mix tape.  I had about a dozen tapes made this way – with the first 5 seconds of every song missing – sometimes 20 seconds if I had to flip the tape.

In 4th grade UB-40’s  “I Want to Make you Sweat” was getting some serious radio play.  We all knew all the words, and at slumber parties would croon out:

Girl I want to make you sweat
Sweat till you can’t sweat no more
And if you cry out
I’m gonna push it some, mo-o-ore
Girl I want to make you sweat
Sweat till you can’t sweat no more
And if you cry out
I’m gonna push it
Push it, push it some more

At the time I knew this was a dirty song, which was a big part of the appeal.  Most things I thought were dirty back in 4th grade (limericks, the movie True Lies, daytime tv) don’t quite hold up in adult hood.    But the push-it song… holy smokes that’s a dirty song!  If anything I feel much more uncomfortable listening to that song now than I did when I was a little kid.  If it came on at a slumber party today I’m sure we would all still know the words, but at least we would have the decency to be embarassed about it.