September 13, 2009
Even as a little girl I dreamed of being upstaged by a sea-turtle at my wedding
Now it’s back to life (and blogging) as usual.
July 27, 2009
I’ll admit it – when I’m trying to make a compelling argument I’ll sometimes tell lies to make my point. It isn’t intentional, and it certainly isn’t meant to trick somebody, but in the heat of the moment I think I even sell myself on things that aren’t true.
Like the time I tried to explain what Marfan’s disease was to my roommates: “You know, Marfan’s Disease: Abraham Lincoln died of it!… Oh shit”
July 16, 2009
I have a friend who is uncomfortable watching reality TV game-shows (such as my current favorite, the frequently mentioned “Wipe Out”). Her concern is that people are doing it because they are desperate for money and that we, the viewers, are taking advantage of them by watching them Survive, Wipe Out, and eat bugs and stuff.
Speaking of which – I never quite get it when Fear Factor makes people eat live bugs. If you asked people on the street what they were afraid of I don’t think anybody – literally nobody – would say “having to eat a bug.” Though if I was aboutto go on Fear Factor I would be pretty scared that they would make me eat a bug. Ahh, ok… I get it now.
But back to the case at hand: I think it takes a certain kind of person to go on reality TV competitions. When faced with a home foreclosure, loans and medical bills I’m still not sure your average person would think “It’s time for Double Dare!” or “American Gladiators don’t look so tough!” In fact, by definition your average reality TV contestant has enough time on their hands to watch and apply to game shows, which implies a certain level of leisure. And also stupidity.
To sum things up, I enjoy watching people get beat up on reality TV, and you should too.
July 9, 2009
Whenever I have a horrible experience at a store I like to go on their website and write a strongly-worded email of complaint. While I highly doubt this has very much of an effect, the simple act of getting it all out really helps. I also fantasize about having hate letters that are so well thought-out and logical that it drastically changes the customer service of the places I go. Just recently I discovered that the Subway in my neighborhood – which I complain about all the time – went out of business. Holy cow! But I can’t take credit for this big win alone: I’d like to thank the disinterested salespeople and the broken credit card machine that made it all possible. We did it!
On a side note, this is one of several habits that make me sound like a 60 year-old. I should add a category here just for that.
July 6, 2009
Speaking of the future, I would really like to see a revolution in transportation during my lifetime. Think about how crazy it would have been to ride in one of the first cars (which they called “the machine”) or on one of the first airplanes (which they probably also called “the machine)! I wouldn’t mind being old and behind the times if it meant there was some really cool invention for me to be bad at learning how to use.
In my ideal world this invention would be mini-airplanes that replace cars and we all drive around on sky highways. Sadly, everyone I know tells me that this isn’t going to happen in my lifetime (dammit!) So instead I’m just holding on and hoping that the invention of my lifetime wasn’t the Segway.
Though I was a total natural at it:
Quick Tip:Interested in being ridiculed all day? Go rent a Segway!
June 12, 2009
This product is gross. Gross gross gross. I wish it was more of a dirty-little-secret than something that gets advertised all of the time.
As if there weren’t enough gross things in the world already, now I have to worry about coming across someone’s feet shavings in a cheese grater.
Finally! A way to grate your feet!
June 11, 2009
June 9, 2009
Dear Future-Joanna,
Wow, thanks for dropping by the old site! It’s an honor to have you here. I know you’re probably really busy running the children’s hospital you started. Oh and with the Nobel Peace Prize coming up I know blogging hasn’t been on your mind a lot these days… so it’s good to have you here.
I probably can’t tell you very many things you don’t already know, but here are a few tips just in case you’ve forgotten:
Anyhow…. if history plays its course then you probably think I’m a total loser (because we both know what a dork 20-year-old Joanna was, am I right?!) But then again, if history plays its course then you’re just an old nutter who’s out of touch with pop culture. So ha!
Love you,
Joanna
June 2, 2009
Now, I haven’t really admitted this before… and this is a sensitive subject, so brace yourself and hold off judgement until the end. OK – I’m just going to throw it on out there:
I didn’t know about Hurricane Katrina for 2 weeks after it happened
I was really busy. There were a lot of things going on that led to my perfect-storm of ignorance. I was finishing up college, I’m not that into the news, and I literally lived in a house out in the middle of the woods. I can think of few other times in my life when I was as cut-off from the world as then, and it just had to be the time a major national tragedy happened.
About two weeks after the storm was my spring break (wet t-shirt contests! woo!) . I visited my parents (uh oh – wet t-shirt contests?) and we went to my kid brother’s soccer game. Some club came around with cans to raise money for the “victims of Hurricane Katrina” to which I responded: “Oh, there was a hurricane?” It turns out that you should never, never ask this in response to a fundraiser. Everybody within earshot turned around to investigate the girl who was either making a horribly offensive joke or lived under a rock.
My parents laughed it off and kindly explained to me that I was a dope and they would be informing my entire family of that fact. I don’t think I could get away with not knowing major national news for two weeks these days – but those sweet days of being ill-informed were pretty great.
May 26, 2009
Today marks the start of the second annual Summer Olympics, the yearly competition where Ben and I go head-to-head in all things. Games, sports, and there’s even talk of an Iron Chef style cook-off. The time between Memorial Day and Labor Day is when shit gets serious around here. Our wedding will fall right before the end of that window, so be prepared for some races down the aisle, cake eating contests, and dance offs.
Wedding dance-offs are a thing, right?
