I’m not one to judge – I own binoculars.

People watching: Pleasant past-time?  Or gateway drug for stalking?

You decide…

 

Things that are handy and things that are not

Dear Township of Washington DC –

My neighborhood organizes the streets in alphabetical order, which is pretty darn cool.  It’s easy to get around and it makes a lot of sense.  You, on the other hand, choose to organize your streets in chronological order of when the states joined the union.  Hmmm.  Not so intuitive perhaps?  I wish I could say I was going to come down there and speak to you face-to-face, but really I would never be able to find you — especially if you live on a street like Georgia.  Who knows about the history of Georgia?  The only people who can find their way around DC are history nerds…. which means DC is not the place for me.

Sincerely,

Joanna

PS> Here are some possible suggestions of alternate ways to organize your streets.  I hope this helps!

• Give your streets numbers instead – have them go in order.  What a sight!
  
• Give your streets the names of foods.  Then, order them by the food pyramid or foods people like to eat (i.e. you’ll know Candy Lane is really far from Oat Bran Blvd!)
  
• Give your streets the names of Bruce Willis movies.  Then, put them in chronological order (this is just like your current system, but with a modern twist)!
  

 

Welcome to my neighborhood

There’s a store in my neighborhood called White Dream.  They appear to sell white children’s apparel – communion dresses, flower girl dresses, baptism – all your white children’s apparel needs.  For a long time I thought it was just me who found this to be ridiculous and I hesitated to bring it up.  I worried that maybe I was channeling a 12-year-old boy and that no one else would see the humor in it.  But after weeks and months and even years of contemplation I’ve decided no… it’s not just me:  that is an absolutely absurd name for a store.

 

Psssst

Last week we had a dog trainer come over to work with the dog.  Contrary to my preconceptions there was no whispering involved, and the trainer wasn’t even an illegal alien (how bogus).  We had called her up after Parker unsuccessfully tried to bite some strangers (but who cares about strangers?)  and then finally successfully bit a friend.

It turns out what we needed to do to get the dog to stop biting people was tie her to the couch.  Now whenever people are over we tie Parker to the couch leg and guests are supposed to intermittently throw treats at her.  Now, I’m no puppy, but this sounds like a pretty sweet gig even to me.  In the end it’s supposed to make her happy about people being over instead of fearful.  Or maybe it’s just supposed to fatten her up to the point where she’s no longer a real threat to anyone.  

Oh no, you're dog is having issues? Ahh I see why -- it's because your dog is a wolf

 

Why? Choking, cavities, fatness, messiness just to name a few.

While I’ve never actually taken candy from a baby, it seems like the right thing to do.

 

So the search continues for what kind of crazy old lady I’ll be

You often hear stories of a “crazy cat lady” and, in fact, I think we all probably know of one.  But you never hear about anyone having tons of dogs. 

Probably because the dogs would eat you.

Don't let this little face fool you... 12 more of these and I'd be lunchmeat.

 

This is not an ad

While I appreciate that JetBlue has the TVs on the back of each seat, something about watching 7 hours of television leaves me feeling pretty weird.  Remind me to tell my future kids that that stuff rots your brain. 

Sorry guys. You don't want this brain -- it's gone bad.

 

Illness – Day one

People who live in glass houses probably shouldn’t throw anything at all with much force. 

Prepare for more philosophical one-liners for as long as this cold keeps up!