Hutcompany, Inc. LLC

At a friend’s house I recently observed that I enjoy cereal but never buy it.  She exclaimed: “Then what do you have for breakfast?!?” 

I didn’t have the heart to say it: Oreos.    

I would wake up in my parents house (weird!) and be totally grossed out by being in bed with my dad (Aahh!)  I would quickly realize that something was wrong as I stumble around seeing nothing at all.  (My joints hurt!) I’d find some huge glasses, put them on and see myself in the mirror (whoa!)  It’s Friday and I’ve traded places with my mom!

The rest of the day would be pretty sweet.  I’d get to sit around all day and watch TV.  Maybe I’d go golfing with my free seniors membership!  Or go shopping with a seniors discount!  I’d get to hang out with my dad, go to Chili’s, see my sister.  Man…. that would be a great day.

Have you ever looked at the Google Traffic Map of the US?  It’s really quite handy as it helps you avoid the 30 traffic lights in North America.  Consider taking routes through Maine, Oregon or South Dakota to help get to your destination on-time.

Poor Cuba, Mexico and Montana. Don't worry -- you'll develop the technology soon!

The kids in my family are:   39… 36… 32… … ..24… 21  years old.

Now, I know  you’re out there thinking: “Joanna, you were clearly a shock!”  And you’re right.  The surprising part is how long it took me to figure that out. 

When I was around 11 or so I punched the numbers and came up with that conclusion.  Sitting at the kitchen table I calmly asked my mother whether or not I was an “accident’.  I expected it to be a battle to get the truth out of her.  I was armed with the age differentials and my powers of tantrum.  Instead, she informed me: “Let’s just say you were the only one we didn’t plan on.”

The only one they didn’t plan on?!  Are you looking at those ages?  Now here was a surprise I hadn’t planned on.  It turns out my kid brother was planned so that I would “Have somebody to grow up with.”  Being a hot-shot 11 year-old, I was able to take all of this in stride.  In fact, it was pretty exciting being able to tell my little brother:

“You were born to entertain me.  Go ask mom, she told me so.”

So if you’re out there reading this kid sibling,  give me a call or take me to a movie.  Learn how to juggle or plan a big family vacation for us all.  Whatever it is, just make sure it’s entertaining.  Because we aren’t done growing up yet!    

There’s a shoe store in my neighborhood that I really like.  Problem is, the store front is so small and unobtrusive that I can never find it.  Every time I want to go to this store I walk down the street (which happens to be the one I live on) until I’m absolutely positive that I’ve gone too far.  I’m really way out there at this point.  Then, I buy a slush puppy at the corner store, cross the street and head back in the opposite direction.  Finally after 5 blocks or so there it is – bam – right there in front of my eyes.  I’ve finally resigned myself to using this method, which seems to be the only thing that works.

Its the Bermuda Triangle of shoe stores.

(Also, it makes it awkward to try to bring friends to the store.)

I don’t have the heart to re-write the post WordPress failed to save earlier today.  Instead, enjoy these 5 fun facts! 

1. The sport with the highest rate of anorexia is men’s Alpine Ski Jump. 
2. There are two tribes of killer whale.  One kind only eats fish and the other only eats seals.  The two varieties refuse to socialize or mate with each other, so they may be classified as different species.
3. The Jews didn’t build the pyramids.  Its a myth.
4.  If you wind up stranded in a desert you should drink whenever you’re thirsty until you run out.  You should never ration your water.
5. The underbelly of a Mercedes is dimpled the exact same way as a golf ball. 

The other day a guy sat down next to me on the subway and he smelled fantastic.  I had no idea what to do.  Should I smile?  Should I say something?  Should I rub everything I own up against him? 

Complimenting someone on the way they smell is a treacherous thing.  For some reason I feel like it’s a really personal thing to do, but at the same time some people deserve to be complimented about it!   What if he decided he wasn’t sure if his cologne / deodorant / soap smelled any good and he stopped using it?  Answer: the world would be a horrible and bleak place.

So what did I do?  I rubbed everything I own against him of course.  And now everything I own smells great.

I received my wedding dress this week.  So… I’m no longer the neighbor who walks around in their underwear in front of the living room windows.  Now I’m the neighbor who walks around in their underwear, puts on a GIANT dress and then walks around in that all night.

On second thought, that’s probably not a ‘thing’.

Why is there a “Mothers Against Drunk Driving”?  Is there another side to the issue that they are arguing against?  A “Mothers For Drunk Driving”? 

If not… shouldn’t they just change their name to “Mothers”?