Hutcompany, Inc. LLC

During a recent conversation with a co-worker, I was fiddling with a marker and made the following casual observation:

“Think about what it would be like if you were to take a marker and put it on like lipstick.”

Now, this was seriously on my mind. I kind-of wonder just how gross it would be and what it would look like. I don’t feel like it’s too out-of-left-field; teens use KoolAid to dye their hair, punks use glue for mohawks. But, she promptly turned and wrote this down under the heading “Words of Wisdom” and propped it up on her desk. She then went to working on the interview we were reading…. about 5 minutes later I said:

“Hey, you never answered my question.”

She laughed and wrote this down as well. We went back to work.

I was walking down the street last night, at 9 pm, with hiccups. They were there for much of the day while I conducted interviews at work, but they really came to fruition on the walk home.

I like hiccuping. I like the way it sounds and feels, and chose not to hide them by keeping my mouth closed. As I was walking a large man sauntered by and shouted “My queen, my hiccuping queen.”

…Which means that my spastic diaphragm and his spastic sense of reality are in perfect sync.

World record for hiccuping: He becomes so famous it isn’t tragic anymore.

Did you win your Oscar-party pool?… Maybe… Did I win my Oscar party pool?… Yes.

So this was my first year attending an Oscar party and filling in a prediction form. Considering that this is also the first year I started seeing a lot of movies, it was rather convenient, and I enjoyed myself. Overall, my favorite parts of the Oscars were:

1. The tremendous upset of La Vie en Rose over Norbit in makeup. (And the rioting that followed.)
2. The fact that Jack Nicholson is the true host of the Oscars, and that whatever sap is on-stage is his puppet.
3. This quote, from a Canadian magazine I read today: The nominated Canadians were out in full force, taking in the sights and sounds.

I wanted to make a joke here about #3, but after thinking about it a lot today I really feel that it is ridiculous enough in and of itself.

In the 10th grade I was again science partners with my crush. This can be interpreted to mean either I was extremely lucky or that I was rather liberal with assigning people to “crush” status. I can assure you that it was the former and that science class was perpetually a time of nervousness, delight, and hormones for much of my secondary education.

My favorite lesson that I had to do with oh-so-dreamy-crush-lab-partner-Tim was:“Draw what your child would look like.”

That’s right, you read it… The teacher’s idea was to teach us a bit about genetics by having us size each-other up and determine which traits would come through based on typical dominant / recessive type theory. What she didn’t realize, however, was that she was asking a bunch of 15 year olds to: first imagine having sex with each other (yay!) and then imagine having a child together (huh?). Most of us were either scared (or stuck) at second base, and the mere notion of the project was much more difficult to get through than the project itself.

Forty minutes later, lab-crushy and I were staring at the picture of the horrible thing we had created. Theoretically, it should have been a blue-eyed, sandy haired Aryan beauty but, it was more of a colorful stick-figure on torn paper with awkward shading and simplistic color-choices. As I gazed into the smeared, lifeless blue eyes of the little atrocity we would produce I realized that I should stop staring at that hunk Matthew in art class and listen to the teacher every once in a while.

Click for the first high-school science story.

The 2/14 note on my computer:

Did I really do it?…. You bet I did.

On Wednesdays at work I have lunch meetings that start with an ice-breaker. We’ve been working together for 7 months, so we don’t have ice to break, but things start with a random question that everyone around the table answers.

I recently posed the question “What is it you’re the best at?”

This is a question that I’ve thought about a lot. We all want to be the best at something. And, with so many things out there, there must be one that I am the best at. Now, I’m not talking about an international scale, rather, among all the people I (or you) know, what can I beat them all at? What can I do better than they can?

When it came my turn to go I probably said something like ‘Boggle’, knowing full well that this is something I am good, but not great at. As I was thinking about the true answer to the question today I toyed with a lot of ideas. I’m better than most people at a few things (like word games or sports) – but I always know one of two people who can really kick my ass whenever I get too confident. So what is it? What’s my unique and unrivaled skill???

I realized that the thing I am the best at – the thing that I can honestly say I’ve never seen any peer do better – is coming up with ice-breaker questions.

This conversation is from a small snippet of post-holiday boredom where I started transcribing conversations I had with my family. I would sit at the computer in the kitchen and type while chatting with folks. Most of it was junk, but it produced a few great pieces.

(Also, you should know before reading that I am the only member of my 7 person family with light colored eyes. Kyler is a new nephew.)

12/27/2006, 7:15 pm – Dad at kitchen table, Mom cooking

Mom: Do you think Kyler’s eyes are going to stay blue?

Dad: Well yeah, they’re blue.

Mom: But they’re a dark blue, so I don’t know. I remember when Jo was born you said everybody could tell her eyes would stay blue because they were such a light, bright blue.

Dad (to me): Do you have blue eyes?

Me: *Nods head*

Dad: Oh, I didn’t know that.

Mom: Well, there’s a lot of things you don’t know.

1. Titanic (1997) – I saw Titanic on a junior high school field trip with the 300 other students in my class.  The lesson? – 14 year old boys go crazy over Kate Winslet’s nipples.

2. Star Wars (1977) – I’m not sure if I’ve actually seen this movie.   SKIP

3. Shrek 2  (2004) – I saw this movie by myself after getting locked out of my apartment and having to kill time.  The only people in the theater were myself and a family of 3 kids – all of whom were wearing Shrek-ear-headbands.  Realizing something was amiss, I went back to the teller and demanded a headband.

4. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial (1982) -  I saw this movie on the floor in my living room, around 5 years old.  I was the only kid on the playground who wasn’t afraid of E.T., which commanded a certain level of respect.  Yo.

5. Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace  (1999) – I was excited to go to this movie.  I saw it with my dad and younger brother in the theater.  I spent much of the movie trying to wake-up my dad who, after the film, proclaimed that the parts he saw were great.

6. Pirates of the Caribbean:Dead Man’s Chest (2006) -  Ah, the first movie on this list that I brought a date to.  The day before the window in my car had been smashed and broken glass had sealed the door locks shut. To get into and out of my car you had to unlock the trunk, climb through the hatch-back, over two rows of seats, and into the front.  In retrospect, it might not have been the best time to pick somebody up for a first date.  Also, the movie was long.

7. Spider Man (2002) – I went to this movie with 10 friends on opening night and wound up sitting on the floor in the aisles.  During an intense scene where Spider Man chooses not to kiss Mary Jane we hear (shouted by a woman in the back of the theater):

“Dammmn – Spider Man gay!” 

8.  Star Wars Episode III – Revenge of the Sith (2005) – I don’t remember anything about this movie.  To George Lucas’ credit I do have a poor memory.  I’ll substitute this one with a memory of seeing Snow Dogs – while I was sneaking into the back door of the movie theater a guard rounded the corner – I ducked into the nearest theater and accidentally saw Snow Dogs.  It was unexpected and I would like to stress again that it was unintentional.

9. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003) – The Lord of the Rings series sparked a family tradition of going to the movies every Christmas Eve night.  I saw this movie in a string of 8 family members, and it’s the only family tradition I can think of that we stick to every year.

10. Spider Man 2 (2004) – I saw this movie with some of the same folks from the 2002 version and learned that Spider Man is not actually gay.  

This seems to be a phrase far more relevant to HIV test results… house foreclosures… and maybe ransom notes than it is to a casual game of cards.

I look forward to one day using it as I deliver some divorce papers.

I find it unsettling that radio is airing ads for satellite radio. I heard the following (which is barely an ad) on my radio the other day:

“Hi there, it’s me, your radio! Come back to me. I know satellite radio is great and has over 200 channels, but we’re good friends, right? Right?”

Why does this bother me? Imagine what it would be like to become acquaintances with Brad Pitt. Close your eyes. Think…. You invite him into your house to hang out. You introduce him to your friends and loved ones – he even tags along on dates with your girlfriend and goes on trips to your family’s house upstate. It would be great and fun and you’d even enjoy having him around yourself. But all the while – in the very back of your head – you know that one day your girlfriend, parents, and everyone you know will leave you for him.

Are you there? Did you feel it? – That’s how traditional radio feels right now.