Fireworks? Nope… firedon’tworks

I went to the July Fourth fireworks tonight only to discover it was so cloudy & foggy that you couldn’t see anything – you could see the spark go up from the ground, hear the explosion, and see absolutely nothing.  It was an interesting choice.

To make up for the disappointment, my goal is to double the amount of candy I grab at tomorrow’s parade.  It’s an ambitious goal considering the economic times.  There may be less candy thrown from firetrucks compared to last year, but I think with enough focus, willpower, and sheer tenacity I can make it happen.  You need to have clear goals to strive for in order to succeed, and I’m staking mine here tonight.

Parents – be sure to keep your kids out of my way.  I’m a candy-stealing machine!

 

Oooooo OOOooO OOooOOOo

I’ve been thinking a little bit about “ghost hunter” reality TV shows, and I’m simply amazed.  I’m not talking about just one show, because there are tons of them – there was the show about staying in haunted prisons, the one about horrific historical sites, and a slew of plain old “a house where somebody died”. I even saw one on Discovery Kids where they make kids stay in scary houses, which seems mean.  I certainly wouldn’t want to be the parent of one of those kids who the Discovery Chanel gave nightmares to for the rest of their life.

The premise of the show seems to go a little something like this:

1. Tell a gruesome and/or sad story.
2. Have 3 – 4 people sleep over in the haunted space.
3. Have some interns close doors and place baby dolls in the house to make the people mentioned in step 2 shit themselves.
4. Film all of it.

It’s brilliant!  

If you’re looking for a distraction this holiday weekend, check out the gear guide video for Ghost Hunters, then, spend $6 ,000 – 50,000 and go hunt some ghosts!  

 

Happy July 1st!

Especially you, berries

 

Wipeout

While biking home today I was weaving inbetween a line of parked cars on my right and cars stuck at a stoplight on my left (suckers).  Up ahead I spotted a car that there was no way I could get around — it was just too close to the parked cars.  So I started to pull up on the brake…. only to discover it was jammed.  Holy shit!

In that moment there were a number of things that went through my mind:

1. Stop the Bike- I was going pretty fast, so I stuck my leg out to drag on the tires of the parked cars.  Ok, check.
2. You are Going to Hit a Car - Despite my attempts to slow down, I knew I was going to have to hit a car.  I considered whether it was better to hit a car with a person in it and sort it out or go for a parked car (i.e. moral grey area) and I decided to go with the car with people in it.  Ok, moral decision established, check.
3. Are You Going to Have to Pay for This? – Even in the moment of reconing, I was pretty worried that the accident would be expensive.  Ok, worried, check.
4. Ugh – This one is pretty self-explanatory.

When the time came I hit the side of a minivan, kept up a good amount of speed and drove into an empty spot on the curb to stop myself.  The minivan seemed ok and, to my surprise the woman gave a quick wave of “it’s fine” and drove off.  Holy shit!  I think I just hit the car belonging to the most jaded woman in the world!  Just in case she changed her mind I turned off the road and took a different route home.  I can think of nothing more awkward than having to stand next to the person whose car you just hit at the next stoplight…

And that, my friends, was my crazy day!

 

Neighborhood Exploration

I’ve mentioned it before, but here it is in picture: the funniest-named store in my neighborhood.

 

 

6/6/06 and 6/6/66

I was speaking with a friend the other day and the date June 6, 2006 came up.  It turns out I didn’t even notice the date 6/6/06!  I should have been casting spells or some  nonsense, but instead I was working and probably just doing ”stuff”.

My next chance for an evil date is nearly 60 years from now (6/6/66).  There isn’t really a good way to remind yourself of something that is going to happen in 58 years… will I still have the same cell phone or wall calendar?  Will Gmail even exist?  Even if I do remember (and at 82 I’ll be lucky to remember anything) I’m not sure what shenanigans I’ll be able to get myself into.  Do eighty-somethings throw theme-parties?

At least I have a while to figure it out.

 

I absolutely love this sign

Now that you’ve read it once, read it again while substituting the word “soldier” everywhere it says “dog”.  It’s a treat.

 

Too soon?

 

Elsewhere on the WWW

I totally dropped the ball on getting myself a sweet personalized facebook URL.  The coolest name I could think of is already taken:

 

So then I checked in on the lamest name I could think of, which was also taken!

 

So I think I’ve decided to go with the next best thing… stealing a name from a friend as my own:

This name isn't mine yet -- I still need to pick the lucky victim

 

At least this way when they go to make their username it will be even worse for them than it is for me.   That will teach them not to leave things to the last minute!

 

I actually really like going to the dentist

For some reason, going to the dentist just makes me start lying.  I think the whole flossing thing (i.e. not doing it) puts me on the defensive and prevents my mouth from communicating with my brain. 

A few years back I was at the dentist and he gave me something to swish around in my mouth for 30 seconds.  When time was up he told me I was done and I swollowed the small amount of fluid.  The dentist’s back was turned, and as he turned around he said “You didn’t swallow that did you?”

To which I replied: “No”

I didn’t want to stress out the dentist with this little detail, and it felt like the “You floss, don’t you?” question (where you should always answer yes).  The dentist seemed relieved, and I was relieved too.  All-in-all not a bad dentist visit.

Holy smokes was I sick on the walk home.